Our Baby Size Life!

Posts Tagged ‘Rant’

A little note today on my series of posts entitled “Sam’s Big Gift” (check out all of Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4).  It’s been a full four weeks since that adventurous day, and Melissa and I have thankfully not suffered any relapses.  We have also, to my great sadness , haven’t had any stripper nurses come around either .  So, life goes on.  Day by day we live our little routine, and as each day passes our fears of a repeat incident are subsided.  As each meal stayed the course and refused to ascend our digestive systems, we grew more and more confident in our recovery.

We are feeling fine and doing great, but my wallet isn’t.  Yesterday in the mail, we got our ambulance transportation fee.  It was for $216.00.  :shock:  For a 10 minute ride?!!?  They didn’t even put on the freaking siren!!! Hello! Remember us?!? The Jack and Jill medics? We’ll here’s our little way of saying “Thanks for riding along!!”.  So that clears one thing up folks: they didn’t do any prostate exams while I was in the hospital anymore, because it is now clear to me that they wait a few weeks, and stick it to you at home through the mail. Is it the gas? How much does it cost to gas up an ambulance?  Are they running on freaking caviar and Cristal?  Jack and Jill we’re a little hefty… Am I paying their lunch bill as well?  So 62 tacos is an ideal lunch for a portly pair of paramedics? Did I pass out and miss the buffet stop during the ride?!?

Mind you, the fee is a combined amount for both Melissa and I, but for a hundred bucks they could have at least managed to let me lie down in the damn ambulance.  If you remember the situation, I was fighting back a puke attack due to me bouncing up and down on the ambulance’s trampoline/chair!  My vital fluids are everywhere but where they should be, and they give me a seat in the Cirque du Soleil!  I guess it’s that attention to detail that drove the price up folks.

I’m just ranting here folks, but I feel better now!  I might rant off again in a few days, because if the ambulance wasn’t free, then the hospital stay sure as heck won’t be!  Stripper nurses don’t come cheap you know! Right guys?!? Huh?!?! Guys?!?! Right?!?! Hmm… yeah…

Sam’s Big Gift is turning out to be one of those gifts that keeps on giving!

This weekend was your typical spring weekend in a typical suburb. The nice weather permitted us to work on the property, you know: cut the grass, plant some flowers, sweep the driveway, etc. Melissa and I try, but we simply can’t keep up with the crazy lady that lives in front of our house. You know the type I’m sure… Everything is pristine on their property! The vibrant green, freshly watered grass is perfectly cut to a thick carpet like quality, while the flower beds simply overflow with petaled rainbows of color. The asphalt driveway is of an obsidian sheen not seen since 2001: A Space Odyssey… you expect chimps to walk up and touch it, then start beating each other to death! In fact, she rarely parks her own car there! It’s as if she knows of it’s slumbering, evil, power. But a quick example of her “level of commitment” to her property: During a rain storm this spring, she would constantly come out of her house to pick leaves of her lawn during the storm… leaves that would blow onto her lawn… every 2 minutes… really… Even Sam can’t believe it…

So anyhoot (ranting over!), we even had some family and friends over for supper on Saturday night, and all went well. It was Sunday morning, that the titled event happened. Now, before proceeding, understand that new parents keep track of their kids bowel movements just to be sure the infant isn’t constipated and or dehydrated. As a general rule, at least one good poop every 2 – 3 days is considered normal. Melissa and I had noticed Sam hadn’t done the dump-dance in the past 2 days, so we knew it was on its way. We could see it in his eyes, like storm clouds on the horizon.

Then, at approximately 11:10, the storm hit…