Sleepless Elsewhere than Seattle
As you may or may not know (read the story here), Sam is now out of his crib. He took a swan dive during a faithful night in October that sealed the deal on the crib, and made us hastily introduce him to the world of ‘Big Boy Beds’. Well actually, his new kiddy bed is on order and we should get it next week. Meanwhile, the little stinker is camping it out in the backyard shed. Now I know you may be freaking out a little over this, but trust me, we thought of everything… Right down to the kerosene lamp… Taught him to light it too! My boy, sniff sniff, already a man 
In reality folks, he’s just camping out on his crib mattress on the floor of his room and therein lies the problem: It’s too much freedom!
You see, in the crib. Sam had limited mobility (until the skydive incident), but he was also restrained in his methods of protest. He could cry, stomp his feet, slap the bars, throw his toys and blanket, smear his poop all over the walls and ceiling… OK, maybe one of those things he really never did, but you get the picture. Now that the mattress is on the floor, on the other hand, he has a free range of movement to get off the it and run amok in his room. This is something he does around 5:30 – 6 am when it’s clear he’s ready to get up and start his day. Yes, even on the freakin’ weekend. That’s not so bad in retrospect, as Melissa and I find that we get a whole lot more done on days when we get up that early.
The real issue is the other three times he wakes up during the night, looking for some room in our bed. It all starts off when we hear the ruffling of
his blankets and the obligatory grunting as he struggles out of bed. Then a thumping pitter-patter of feet runs across the hallway to stand in our doorway, his little body framed by the nearby night light. Seeing Sam in his Monster Truck pyjamas, holding his blanky in one hand, his teddy in the other, hair messed up and his eyes sleepy makes me laugh every time. Still in the doorway, seeing that we are not moving from our beds, he says a few of his key words: “Hello!”, “Papa!” and “Mama!” to get a reaction. When we don’t fall for the bait, the thumping of little feet is again heard as he picks a side of our bed to solicit for a little real estate. He even throws his blanky and teddy on the bed for emphasis in case we didn’t catch on.
That’s when one of us, usually me, get up and walk him back to his bed and tuck him in. Doing this will generate some whining, but he usually lies down on his bed, in a little ball on his stomach, and lets us cover him with his blankets. Then I give him the all important teddy which he immediately hugs and squeezes between himself and the mattress… and I rub his back to warm him up… and I sing him a soothing melody… and he slowly closes his eyes… and he takes a deep breath and sighs… and he smacks his little lips a couple times… and his breathing slows and gets deeper and deeper… and he`s off. So I gently stand up, but my knees crack loudly so I pause…
Yet Sam still sleeps.
I then slowly find my way back to my bed careful to avoid the known creeks in my floor, only to stub my toe noisily on the door frame while I stifle some colorful language. So I pause…
Yet Sam still sleeps.
Reaching my bed, I slowly lift the covers and quietly squeeze in next to a warm Melissa and the bed’s metal frame creeks annoyingly, so I pause…
And yet Sam still sleeps.
I turn around, check the time (2am) before taking my glasses off and placing them on the night table, only to hit the glass of water I keep there and as I struggle to avoid spilling all the water on the floor I also strike the lamp, smaking it against the wall with a loud thump! So I pause…
Yet Sam still sleeps.
Relieved, I settle in, spooning Melissa and adjusting my head on the pillow. I wrap my arm tightly around her and begin to relax. I let my eyes close, take a deep breath and sigh, smack my lips a couple times, and my breathing slows and gets deeper and deeper…
I am so relaxed… Letting it all go… Body, mind, muscles all are now completely relaxed… and I… FART! 
Sam wakes up screaming!!! “PAPAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” 
My eyes shoot open, and it all starts again! 
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hahahahaha John that is some funny writing. I laughed so hard and out loud that the boys came to see what was wrong. You are an amazing writer. I loved the climax and then the ending is priceless but so true in many households. Keep up the great play by play, it certainly makes me smile. Poor Sammy , I am not surprise he woke up to that!!! ;o)
OH JOHN, please never stop this blog, I LOVE it, it’s priceless, I had a 20 hour day yesterday and back at work early this morning to find more stressed out people who thinks it’s a life or death situation…hu-hum we only sell steel….your real life fun stories bring me back to life, the real one, the life where kids are so precious and the time spend with them is the best.xx
Lynn: Wow, thanks for that Lyne! Glad to read that it makes you laugh! Too bad about you job giving you grief, hopefully your smile and good humor will make people realize that stressing out is really missing the point of being alive…
Cindy:Yeah well that only happened ONCE… I am much quieter now when I… well you know, I’ll duck into the closet and close the door LOL! I can’t believe I just wrote that! Anything for a laugh I guess!