Our Baby Size Life!

Archive for February 20th, 2009

Today is his BIG day folks!  Sam’ was born exactly one year ago today at 12:34 pm, a lunch time baby! I remember every detail like it was yesterday.  All the excitement and nervousness and general feeling that our lives were about to change forever was coming to fruition on this exact day, during these exact moments, only one year ago.

From my perspective on Sam’s birth, I recall that feeling of anticipated yet welcome anxiety comparable to being on a roller coaster, but not just any roller coaster… THE roller coaster.  The one everyone has been talking about.  The most dangerous, death defying ride in the world, and after all the hype and rave reviews, when the excitement level is at it’s peak and people are clamoring and fighting to get in line… You’re there , sitting in the front car, being slowly pulled up that first big climb.  Pulled into the unavoidable plunge that awaits beyond.  You know what’s coming.

You know it’s going to be scary, but you know it’s going to be fun.

So, you just accept it and grip that harness a little tighter as you crest the peak and see the horizon reach out far below you, and then… nothing.  Everything slows down, maybe even stops: you’re stuck in a place between moments.  On the brink of the upcoming chaos, everything seems so clear, your future,  your past, and then, just when you come to that realization… EVERYTHING COMES RUSHING BACK AND YOUR FLYING DOWN THAT SLOPE! Thrilling and frightening rolled into one, your pulled along without any ability to control what’s happening.  You put your head down against the crushing speed as it presses you down into your seat, your stomach lifts into your throat. You feel as if you can no longer hold on, that you will simply fly off the tracks, only to finally lift your head and see…

Little hands and little feet.

A hairy little head peeking from between the fold of his mothers caressing arms.

Then his first cries flood into your numbed ears and you hear him.

Even though you just met, you know you’ll do anything to keep him safe, fed, warm, and loved. Anything. It’s a feeling of such selflessness that runs head first into any other feeling you may have had.  The cars, the movies, the gadgets, things that formerly seemed important and necessary, are suddenly cast aside.  There is a greater purpose to living than buying a great house or working to get the next promotion. You now have someone who completely depends on you, who needs you to be there. It’s an incredible responsibility to be sure, but you are more than up to it.  I was living before, but it seemed like life started over again for me at that moment, a second birth if you will.  The birth of a Father.

If you don’t have kids, this may sound over the top, or even drastic.  But I can only relay how I felt and how Sam’s birth affected me.  Other parents may not feel the same as well, and that’s OK.  It’s an intensely personal experience that I felt the need to share, if not to record, lest that feeling wane in the many years ahead… which I hope will never happen.

All I can say is that this is probably the best way I communicate my emotions on that day, as a new father, one year ago… and I wasn’t even giving birth!  Melissa, I’m sure, felt all this an more as she was actually bringing a life into this world.  Something I’ll never experience.  But having felt, and lived through that moment, being, well let’s be honest, a spectator to the miracle that was unfolding, I can honestly say that maybe that’s a good thing.  I don’t think I could have handled it otherwise!  Melissa is an unbelievable person that I am blessed to have in my life… and now she’s given me a second being to love just as much.

She’s the best, bar none, and I’ll  love her forever for it.  Even though it’s Sam’s birthday, she’s given me the gift.  From now on, on every February 20th, I’ll relive what is the best day of my life over and over…

How do you top that?

While you may not remember this day Sam, your parents will, forever.

Happy Birthday Samuel,

Love Mom & Dad