Baby Observances 3
I hope people enjoy these posts, cause there’s a whole lot of these waiting in the wings. 
Its pretty funny, just when I think I’m out of ideas for ‘Baby Observances’, a whole bunch of them suddenly creep up on me like those milky regurgitation surprises Sam seems so fond of at 2 in the morning. Here we go…
Neat freaks need not apply: If you love a clean house, take a picture before your kid is born cause that’s the last you’ll see of it. An infants’ schedule is a hectic one and you’ll burn yourself out if you think you can keep your house in its former antiseptic, magazine spread like state, and answer all your baby’s needs. We tried and we lasted a week. Now mind you our house doesn’t look little a Calcutta marketplace just yet, but its a daily struggle to beat back the messy invasion 
So pick your battles, get what you can done and leave the rest.
Peanut butter and jelly diet: Its surprising how hungry you can get on those late night feedings. So what do you reach for after the little diaper demon has been put to sleep? Something quick and easy… and great tasting too: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! They’ve got all the proteins, carbs and fiber a parenting body needs to stave off the effects of sleep deprivation and overly long sessions in a rocking chair. Plus the peanut butter soothes overworked vocal chords so you’re ready to butcher more lullabies after the next feeding.
Little old ladies and their itty bitty buggies: Going out in public with your kids is fun thing, but look out for the old bags! Babies seems to attract more of these touchy-feely old bats more than an all-you-can-play bingo marathon! But I digress, family and friends are fine, its the strangers that want to touch my kid I have a problem with. Do I know you? No. Then why are you laying your lotto scratching, depends fastening, moth ball smelling hands on my child??? Don’t get me wrong here, I like old people…well the older generation, just not when they’re attached to my kids face.
Proper package placement: This is one concerns baby boys as only they have the required equipment These tips concern a diaper change… when parents are most vulnerable to a baby’s malcontent. When taking the diaper of your little sniper, quickly place a wash cloth over his twig and berries as to stem any flow that may be forthcoming. A full baby will pee like Seabiscuit (see photo), so if it starts, pile those sandbags and head for the roof. Once the clean diaper is in place, before sealing it up, make sure his fire hose is pointing down towards his feet, into the diaper pad. Leaving his third leg pointing up means pee through the waist of the diaper which leads to… well not only a diaper and pyjama change, but a sheet and mattress cover change as well.
Rant over! I’m off to feed Sammy boy…this kid is ALWAYS hungry. Reminds me of me Hmmm… I wonder what kind of jelly we have…
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